Recalculating...

My life has changed quite a lot lately, and not because I have a 6 month old who is starting to try to crawl and getting teeth or because Chimera is almost 2 and has started to act like she's almost 2, it's because I have started recalculating and refocusing my life.
I have recently renewed my relationship with God (this won't be a preachy blog, don't worry), and I am happier than I have been in a long time. Not perfect, and insecurity still gets the best of me sometimes (just ask my husband), but happier. I have recently started going to a group called PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel) on base and it is probably the best thing I have done for myself in a long time. Being around a group of women that are in a very similar situation as me helps me to realize I'm not alone, spiritually and mentally, in all the day to day struggles of being a military wife.
These women are actually the reason I am starting this blog. I did a devotional today at our weekly "bible study" (in quotes because we are currently doing "The Me Project" by Kathi Lipp) and the feedback made me stop and remember how much I do enjoy writing. So this blog may end up having devotionals sprinkled throughout it, they will be written as God puts topics on my heart. Today's devotional went thus:
I have recently been feeling God tugging on my heart and mind. It started about a month or so ago, I'd been feeling really down on myself. I felt like I wasn't good enough, I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't patient enough with my girls, blah blah blah the list went on and on. I didn't know what to do or how to change it. Basically I was miserable, and being miserable made me more sensitive, which in turned lead to my husband and I fighting more, it was a viscous cycle. I kept trying to talk myself out of it, kept telling myself that I was being ridiculous, but nothing worked. Then i found out my husband had weekend duty Easter weekend. I was upset, and i took it out on him. Even though i knew it wasn't his fault, even though i knew there wasn't a whole lot he could do about it. I needed an attitude adjustment.
But Being Easter, what do you do? You go to church. It had been a year since I had gone to church and something was really telling me to go, so i put the girls in their Easter dresses, packed them into the car and went. It was then i realized what i needed wasn't an attitude adjustment, it was a total refocus. God, providing as he always does, led me to the part of the bulletin that talked about PWOC and the fact that they were starting a new study called the Me Project. That was exactly what i needed. I fought with myself about going. I was shy and didn't know anyone,I was uncomfortable and didn't feel like leaving my comfort zone. But I kept feeling God pushing me to go, telling me that even if I didn't WANT to go, I needed to.
 Starting the me project was a little difficult, mainly because i didn't know which goal to focus on, so i chose a goal i was already working on. But instead of letting me take the easy road he pushed me back in the right direction and lead me to Proverbs 16:1 "we can make our own plans, but the Lord gives us the right answer"This has been my defining passage for the last couple weeks. It came back up about a week later.
 My husband and i were looking to buy a house and we had found one that we loved, that was perfect size for our family, and that was the perfect price. Only to find out when we got back to the office that it's a short sale... we put in the offer, but as with any short sale the Lord only knows when or if the bank will make any decision. So we continued to look. I drove out to take a look at a house we had seen online, and since the short sale one was on the way i did a drive by. After driving by i started to talk to god, I even started with "I know thy will be done and everything, but..." I tried to make a case as to why He should make the short sale happen for us,tried to convince him why that house was the one.But when i got to the house i we'd seen online i had one of those "seriously God!?" moments. This house had everything we had been looking for.
 After that i went and walked around Ellis lake and just listened. It was there i realized that for the longest time i hadn't been talking with God like i thought, i had been talking at him. Never taking the time to stop and listen to what he was trying to tell me, or where he was trying to lead me. That was what he was trying to show me when i was flipping through my bible and happened to stop on proverbs 16. "You can take as long as you want doing what you think you need to do, but until you stop and listen to me you're simply going to be spinning your wheels." As it turns out her had a house picked out for us.One that was truly perfect. Once I turned everything over to him,everything lined up and we were in contract within 2 days.
 It just goes to show that he was right, as he always is, and but I needed to stop and truly listen. So i have started to force myself to stop and take the time each day to listen to what he's telling me and do it, whether it be volunteering to bring food, or  doing this devotional (which is not something i would normally do if i wasn't trying to follow all i feel he is leading me to do). I have refocused my life on him.
Dear lord, please help us learn to talk with you, not at you. Help to remember to listen, and know that whatever plans we have made for ourselves you are the one that gives us all the right answers. And please bless us, that they may know your love and guidance. In your name, amen.